


Two Sides of the Same Coin

by orphan_account



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Parallels, References to Depression, Rough Kissing, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build, Touch-Starved, fallout 3 references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-06-25 13:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15641349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lucy had dealt with the Institute. She had dealt with the monsters of the Commonwealth, but the thing that scared her the most was the loneliness she felt when the evil had been defeated.Though she'd made many friends within her travels to the wasteland, she had never found anyone who really related to her loss. That was, until she hired the mercenary MacCready to join her, in an attempt to keep her mind occupied.Both of them having gone through similar trauma and loss, begin to grow closer as they travel the wasteland.





	1. Alcohol is the best Medicine

#### Lucy POV:

#### 

When I’d had thoughts of the future, I never thought it would look like this. I never thought it’d be a barren wasteland full of monsters that seemed straight from a horror movie. There were many terrible aspects of the terrible wasteland, but the worst was how alone I felt. 

My life before the bombs fell felt like a distant memory. My husband was dead, I’d missed my son's entire life, and all that was left for me was the railroad. I spent a lot of my time in the secretive HQ of the railroad. It was safe and made me feel comforted, yet I always returned to Sanctuary. 

Deacon, Piper, Nick, Hancock and that salesman from Vault tec had moved into Sanctuary. I had started to feel like it could really be a home again, but being there still left me with an emptiness inside myself. The love of my life laid within a shallow grave within my front yard of sanctuary. As much as it was a painful reminder, I wouldn’t have Nate’s grave lay anywhere else. Another cross stood next to Nate’s, though the grave was empty, Shaun’s. My heart hurt at the thought of my baby boy’s green eyes staring  
up at me, only to see those same green eyes on a 70 year old man. 

There was a knock on the frame of the door to my bedroom. It was a courtesy of course, as there was not an actual door separating me from the knocker. “Come in, Nick.” I softly spoke as I unwrapped my hands around my knees. 

Nick entered and sat beside me on my bed. “Just came to see how you were doing.” His voice was as coarse and robotic as usual, but still his robotic presence was the most comforting aspect of the entire wasteland. 

“I’m doing about as well as you could aspect anyone would be doing after blowing up my son and all of his work.” I sighed disliking every word that I spoke.

Nick placed a hand on my shoulder. “Well, I can’t get drunk but you sure can. Wanna take this to that bar in Goodneighbor?” 

I laughed. Nick hated going down to Goodneighbor. It smelled like shit, and looked like it, but damn if it didn’t have the best damn bar in the Commonwealth. Getting drunk and flirting with Magnolia was always a way to lift my spirits. 

“Are you sure? I thought you said you never wanted to return to the Third Rail.” I asked.

“Well hell, Lucy, I’m not gonna let you get drunk by yourself or worse, with Hancock. Remember what happened last time.” 

I didn’t really remember last time, but I did remember Hancock’s recap. Apparently the alcohol had blinded my judgment, just enough that I believed I had what it took to kill the infamous Swan super mutant that lived near the entrance of Goodneighbor. I stumbled and almost got myself killed, and Hancock had to drag my ass all the way back to the gates of Goodneighbor. It wasn’t my finest moment. 

I sighed, I had never drank much pre-war, so my tolerance left much to be desired. “Alright Nick, I’ll drink my pain away.” 

Goodneighbor felt significantly brighter since the defeat of the Institute. The various drifters, mercs and junkies all seemed to look at me with admiration. I enjoyed the recognition for my actions. 

“Ah, it’s been awhile.” Whitechapel Charlie said, almost sarcastically. I was still unsure of whether or not robots had an option of being sarcastic. 

“Okay I get it Charlie, I made a mess last time, but this time I come bearing a babysitter.” I nodded at Nick sitting beside me. 

“I’m just giving you a hard time, Lucy. We here in the Commonwealth owe you and the detective one for what you did to the institute. Here’s one on the house.” He said as he passed two dark bottles our way. 

“I don’t have the capability to get drunk. Sad, I know.” Nick said as he flicked the bottle forward with his fingers.

I laughed, “I’ll do you the favor of drinking this for you then.” I said as I slid his bottle my way. 

Nick smirked before standing from the barstool. “Gonna go talk to Daisy, I’ll be close enough to the entrance that I’d be able to stop you from doing some extremely stupid.”  
Nick turned and walked up the stairs behind me. 

Somehow already Nick’s seat was already filled with a new customer. “MacCready!” Whitechapel Charlie said with more enthusiasm than I’d ever heard before.  
I looked over to see a man in a leather duster sitting beside me, I assumed by Charlies exclamations that his name was MacCready. 

“I’ll have the usual.” Answered MacCready. “Your that lady, right? The one from the past?” He asked, startling me. 

“Uh, yeah. That’s one way to put it.” I answered as a swallowed a mouthful of whatever swill Charlie had served me. 

“This a party or… a pity-party?” MacCready asked. 

I stared at him for a second, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Why are you drinking? A celebration or a memorial?” He asked. It was an odd question, and one that I hadn’t thought of.. 

“A little of both I guess. The commonwealth is quite an whirlwind.” 

“Here’s to that.” MacCready said as he held his glass up.

“Here’s to that.” I replied. 

I drank in silence for a while, enjoying the atmosphere of the bar and the company of those around me. It was comforting knowing that the drifters and junkies were just as lost as I was. For awhile I had my place in this messed up world. I fought the oppressive institute and won. Now, Nick will be back to detective work, Piper back to the news, Hancock will return to Goodneighbor, but I can’t go back to being a mom, or a lawyer, or a wife. I was lost. 

“So Macready, why are you back in Goodneighbor already?” Charlie asked him. 

“Last guy who hired me didn’t like the way I did business. I’m not sure what else he would expect from a merc.” MacCready answered.

My mind immediately raced. He was a mercenary? I’d thought long and hard about my options when exploring the wasteland, and kicking it with a mercenary, was surely a way to keep your mind occupied. Nick could go back to helping people, Piper could go back to her sister, and they wouldn’t have to worry for my well-being.

“You’re a merc?” I asked, trying to seem like I hadn’t been listening to their conversation. 

“Best damned hired gun in the Commonwealth.” Charlie answered. 

“Hah, Charlie is a fan. Look, before you go preaching about how killing for hire is wrong, cause I’ve heard about your moral compass. You are about the last damn person in the wasteland to have any sense of morality.” MacCready replied. 

I laughed. I did have a moral compass, made it hard to be a lawyer. It did however, make it easy to know my place when it came to the institute. “No, I wanna hire you. Looking for a new experience.”

“Huh. I gotta say did not expect that.” He took a sip of his drink. “Alright, starting rate is usually 300 caps, but for such a hero, I’d say 250. Just don’t go getting all high and mighty on me.” 

“200 caps and we’ve got a deal.” I said, holding my hand out to him.

“Alright, 200 caps. We’ve got a deal…” MacCready trailed off probably realizing he knew of my escapades but never knew my name. 

“Lucy.” I answered as I shook his hand. 

His face reddened. “MacCready.” His voice seemed shaker than before. Was it my name?  
He turned back to Whitechapel Charlie and chugged the rest of his drink, as I did the same. 

“Wanna head out first thing in the morning, boss?” He asked. 

I just nodded. I hopped I wasn’t making a huge mistake, but I could think more on that in the morning. Tonight, I was going to drink my sorrows away with my new hired gun.


	2. A Familiar Shade of Green

##### Lucy POV:

I awoke in a room I did not recognize. I had been lounging in an uncomfortable position against the armrest of a couch. My neck was going to be in an inordinate amount of pain come the rest of the day.

A door swung open, startling me. “Good morning, sunshine.” Nick said as he carried an armful of bottles of purified water. “I’m glad to hear you didn’t almost get yourself killed.” 

I propped my neck up from the armrest. “I’m glad to hear that too.” I replied.

Nick handed me the a few of the bottles and I immediately began chugging. 

“Where am I?” I asked.

“A back room in the Third Rail, apparently Charlie said you could pass out here.” Nick answered.

I remembered most of the night; it wasn’t as if i’d blacked out again. I remembered drinking, dancing with Magnolia, and hiring a mercenary. I sat there for a few moments trying to remember how much I’d paid him. That part wasn’t coming back to me anytime soon.

“Hey Boss, ready to get on the road?” MacCready asked as he entered the room I’d been sleeping in. 

“Oh also, Charlie mentioned you’d hired MacCready.” Nick said, sitting on the floor in front of me. 

“Oh come on, Nick. I’m not gonna get her killed. You know I’m one of the best guns in the commonwealth.” MacCready answered. 

“You guys know each other?”

“You could say our professional paths have crossed on more than one occasion.” Nick said.

I pushed myself up from the couch. How I ever managed to fall asleep in full body armor is a mystery. This shit does not breath, nor does it really allow you to be comfortable. “Yeah, I’d hired MacCready to help clear out those last few jobs I’ve accumulated since I’ve been here.” It wasn’t the entire truth, but I wasn’t going to tell Nick that I’m afraid I’m keeping him from living his life. “Figured, who better than a mercenary to do merc work?” 

Nick smiled. Even if his smile was created within the confines of a lab, his damn smile could light up an entire room. “Alright, Lucy. Just don’t be getting in to too much trouble.”

“Ah, come on Nick. Where’s the fun in that?” MacCready answered, leaning against the wall behind Nick.

##### MacCready POV:

I had to admit, the whole reason I accepted the “Sole Survivor’s” offer, was my need to have my curiosity sated. Usually when travelling with someone, I half-expect them to kick the dust within the first week or so, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen this time. I was curious to see just what was so special about her, about Lucy.

That name always stung, even just amongst thought. Lucy…. Lucy… Lucy. That name always made my mind race, my eyes well up. God, if there was a God, was cruelly playing a game, where every time I start to forget my past trauma, it makes a sudden and unappreciated appearance. Lucy… Lucy… Lucy…

“So how long have you been a merc?” Lucy asked. We were walking side by side on the way to first job she’d taken, which she took pleasure in keeping me in the dark of all the details.

“About 7 years. Worked for the Gunners, then got out to work solo.” I answered vaguely. I could write a book about my long, complicated past of merc work. “So, you ever gonna fill me in on this job we’re working?” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Lucy answered. “Ah, I do suppose you should know at least some of it. We’re clearing out the Boston Public library. Almost there, in fact.”

I sighed. God I hated supermutants. I would fight thousands of raiders before I would ever chose to fight supermutants, and without a doubt, the public library was going to be swarmed by them. She was right though, our destination was right around the block. “Who hired you to do that?” I asked.

“Daisy from Goodneighbor.” She answered. It made a lot of sense. Daisy loved the preservation of the past, considering she was a pre-war ghoul. 

We turned the block and arrived at the Library, surprisingly free of mutants. Lucy picked the lock, and we both entered, guns drawn. The robots who patrolled the inside were the only creatures inside to greet us. It was a pleasant surprise. 

“Huh, glad to see a lack of muties in here.” Lucy quipped and she walked down the hallway to the entrance of the subway tunnels. 

“It’s clear, so why aren’t we leaving?” I asked, hoping to leave before supermutants arrived. 

“We have to check more than just the entrance, also Daisy instructed me to do one more thing while I was here.” She answered. I had to hand it to her, I figured she would’ve been more timid considering she was pre-war, but there was not one sign of timidity on her body. 

I sighed and continued following. It wasn’t worth an argument at the moment. It took a few minutes of walking amongst the shelves of nonsense and robots that patrolled them before we reached the access to the subway. Lucy fiddled with a machine against one of the walls before pulling a book from her bag. 

“Are we seriously here to return a fu-” I stopped myself mid curse. Of all the promises I’d made throughout my life, was I really going to keep the promise of not cursing. “Freaking book.” I finished. 

“Yes, it was part of the deal that Daisy and I made. 400 caps to check in on the library and return her overdue book.” 

400 caps was a lot for just a simple clearing job. That was more than Lucy, in fact had paid me as a hired gun. “Okay but we split it 50/50.” 

“70/30-.” She was interrupted by a large bang from below. It seemed to come from the subway tunnels. We both drew our guns immediately and found cover behind a barrier. 

“Hostile intruder.”One of the robots spoke. It was an understatement to say the voice was off putting.  
Supermutants began to pour from beneath us. I pulled out an assault rifle. It takes big guns to take care of big monsters. Lucy had pulled a sniper rifle out, and had begun to pick off many of the supermutants, though they seemed to be pouring out of the subway below.

“Dam- Dang mutants!” I yelled. I couldn’t help but share my disdain for my least favorite adversary. 

“Quit complaining. I’ll give you 40/60.” She replied. 

“How are you so calm during fights with literal nightmare creatures?” I screamed back. 

“I was a lawyer.” 

“What’s a lawyer?”

She didn’t answer. The robots were trying their hardest but the supermutants were overtaking them with brute force. Poor bastard were never programmed to take cover. Lucy and I both had a stack of clips between us. It was easier to reach. We had picked a pretty good vantage point. We could pick the mutants off before the even got close to us. 

A super mutant, much bigger than the rest of the others began running up the stairs towards us. I shot a few bullets before needing to reload. The mutant was getting nervously close, I fumbled my hand into the piles of bullets between us, and lightly grazed Lucy’s hand. I froze for a moment, the feel of the back of her hand against mine still present in my memory. It was the most juvenile of feelings, me a 22 year old, frozen after merely accidentally touching the hand of someone else's. The thought gave me chills. It had been so long since my skin had had contact with anything other than a gun.

Two loud gunshots pounded right next to my ear. “I get that you hate muties, but can you please at least try to help.” Lucy snapped, bringing me back to reality. I looked behind me to see the larger mutant dead. 

It became increasingly more quiet, as the rest of the mutants were being picked off my the remaining robots.

“MacCready, you okay?” She asked, looking straight into my eyes. She had a familiar green tint to her eyes. Her hair, though was shoulder length deep brown, something you don’t find much out in the wasteland.

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine. It won’t happen again.” I reached into my pocket, pulling a pair of leather gloves from it. It won’t happen again. 

We left the library, free of mutants. It had been an eventful evening, yet I still could feel the touch of her bare hand against mine. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake it from my mind.


	3. Denial in Sanctuary

##### Lucy POV:

Being on the road with no clear end goal was certainly refreshing. MacCready, though hard to read, had turned out to be more delightful company than originally thought. I’d been out of the vault for a few months now, but I still didn’t know all the ups and downs of wastelander life. Having a merc around helped. 

After I got paid for the job at the library, I’d figured that a few nights in my own bed wouldn’t be too bad. MacCready of course, came with. Not only because he was being paid to, but also because he too, was looking forward to a few days rest and Sanctuary peaked his curiosity.

“Here it is, a masterpiece isn’t it?” I gestured to the barely standing neighborhood I’d inhabited over 200 years ago. 

MacCready caught up and stopped beside me before answering. “Yeah, sure is. It’s a sight for sore eyes.”

The truth is, Sanctuary was about as good as it got outside of the Inner City of Boston. It was far nicer now that Sturges and Preston had fixed up a lot of it. I’d also given the poor old vault tec rep the ability to start up any shop he’d like to. He opted to start a bar in one of the houses, said that he’d make more money that way. He probably wasn’t that wrong, though I’d still trek out to the Third Rail occasionally as that ghoul tended to have low stock. 

“So am I gonna have a bed here… or is this a situation where I have to sleep on the floor?” MacCready asked as we’d begun to make our way over the entrance bridge. 

“You actually have a bunch of beds to choose from. There’s a bunk house, but there’s always a few other beds open for a more quiet place. I myself can’t stand to hear people breath in their sleep.” I answered. Nate snores pretty loudly in his sleep, I never thought I’d actually miss hearing his snore at night. 

“Alright, I’ll find a bed, and pass out in it.” He said.

While I definitely looking forward to a rest, I’d brought us back to Sanctuary because I was semi worried for MacCready’s mental state. Not to say, we were good friends, in fact I barely knew him, yet I saw a fracture in his cocky composure at the library. He never truly told me what had happened to him, though I knew it was sometimes better not to ask.

We rounded the street and arrived at the common house. Sturges and mama Murphy were there as they always were. 

“Well who’s this strapping young lad you’ve brought us?” Mama Murphy asked.

“This here is MacCready; he’s a merc.” I gestured toward him. “Now MacCready here is the mystical mama Murphy and Sturges. They’re with the minutemen.” 

“Minutemen are good people.” Macready said. It seemed out of character for him.

I then pointed to the house across the road, my house. Nate’s cross still stood outside, Shaun’s beside him. I’d told Jin and Marcy that they could make a memorial for their son Kyle, yet they both said they didn’t need that reminder. I liked the reminder. Even if I ever moved on from Nate, I’d still want to remember my first love.

“There is my house, I plan on getting in bed and not waking up until noon tomorrow.” I said. It was true. I hadn’t been in my own bed in what felt like years. “One of these Minutemen guys will show you all of the rooms that are open. Also, we cookout most nights, Nick, Hancock and them usually show up. Good night, MacCready.” 

“It’s midday.” He replied. I rolled my eyes. “Good night, Lucy.”

##### MacCready POV:

There were worse places to be stuck in the Commonwealth than Sanctuary. The food was good, the drink was meh, but the people were nice. It was also nice to have time apart from Lucy. She was lovely company, and lovely in general, but she had a tendency to make me feel uneasy. 

I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had contact with the skin of another human. It made me feel like I was 12 again, holding hands with a girl for the first time. It was a pathetic feeling. 

I must just have been attracted to her, which would make sense since she was the first woman I’d come into physical contact with since the death of my first love. I’d found it best just to push the feelings down, forget them. I didn’t have feelings for her, just an animalistic attraction.

Everyone in Sanctuary besides Lucy, had adjourned outside the common house for the regularly scheduled cookout. They all sat in roughly what looked like a circle, around a spoke and fire. 

“So Sturges, what’d you make for us tonight?” Hancock asked, his voice as raspy as ever. 

Sturges poked the meat on the spoke. “I think it’s soft shell mirelurk, though I could be mistaken. Wouldn’t be the first time someone sold me something fake.” 

There was a loud sigh from a girl in red sitting beside me, the reporter I believe. “Come on, mirelurk tastes like piss, can’t you spend like 2 extra caps and buy Brahmin.” 

“Well you are welcome to spend your own caps instead of making us use our own.” The woman across from me said. I’d only been there a few hours, but I’m wasn’t sure I’d liked her.

We all sat in silence for many minutes, chewing the rough meat we’d been given. It didn’t taste like any mirelurk I’d ever eaten, but I wasn't about to tell Sturges that. Every few minutes, the old Synth detective would stroll by. I still was unsure of whether or not Synths required food. 

“So how have you and Lucy been getting along?” Hancock asked.

“Fine. She’s pretty good company, though I figured she’d be more straightlaced for some railroad hero.” I answered. 

Hancock sat up straight on the bench beneath him. “I’m sure you two will be friends in no time. She has that effect on people, that and possibly them falling in love with her.” He leaned towards me as if to whisper. “Between you and me, pretty sure Nick has some pretty intense feelings for her. Poor guy.” 

“You don’t think she has those feelings for him?” I asked. 

Hancock sighed. “No, I don’t think so. But it’s not my place to say anything more.” 

It was odd imagining Nick having feelings. I mean he was created in a lab. I had never really thought that much about others feelings though. It had tended to be the downfall of my relationships, well when the downfall wasn’t the death of my partner. The pain of Lucy, my first love, still hurt at the thought of her. I’d been so good at burying my feelings for so long, and I would continue to do it for the rest of my life. Feelings were meant to be kept inside. I had my chance at love, but that was long ago, and I failed. 

I walked two doors down to the room that Preston had said was open. However, on the way, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed earlier. The two crosses that sat within Lucy’s yard. I couldn’t quite make out the names, or their relationship to her, but it didn’t matter now. It was not my place to be curious of the loss of my employer.

I went to bed that night in denial. In denial of my attraction towards the famed Sole Survivor. In denial of the pain I still felt all these years later. In denial of the empty void that I felt at all times. In denial of the thoughts of ending it all that plagued my mind. I laid in bed, drinking until everything went numb.


	4. One wound, one bed, two inhabitants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When MacCready clumsily gets himself shot, he and Lucy take shelter in a bunker to wait out a storm, as well as patch up his wound.

##### MacCready POV

So it was, we were on the road again within a few days, however this time there seemed to be a different air between us. Did she feel it too? We’d been walking for hours and spoke very few words. Perhaps she’d finally cut my leash soon, and I’d be on my own again. It’s the way I liked it. The way I’d always told myself I’d liked it. However, I’d grown fond of Lucy’s presence however silent she may be some of the time.

We were slightly east of Sanctuary, in an area that I’d never been to before. It was an arid environment, and the city was less dense out here.

“Does it look like it’s about to storm?” Lucy asked, breaking the hours of silence. She pointed to the sky’s slight green tone.

“Don’t tell me that you’re worried about a storm?” I answered. 

She let out a chuckle. “We’re almost there. Though we should stay where we are when we’re done. I’m not so fond of radiation, and you sir do not need any more exposure. 

She was the first person who’d ever hired me that ever worried for my health. She was the first person who had ever let me rest every once and awhile. I could tell myself that it’s that she cared about me, but deep down I knew it was just the pre-war mentality in her. She was a damn good person.

We walked for about half an hour before a loud boom sounds, startling us both. 

“What was that?” Lucy asked in a whisper. She crouched down beside a rock. I moved beside her. “A bomb?”

“Sounded like it.” 

She pointed beyond the rock we hid behind. “That’s the place.”

“It’s swarming with raiders!” I responded. 

She shushed me, then placed her cupped hand over my mouth. “Maybe if you don’t give our location away, we’ll be able to get the drop on them.”

I wiped the feeling of her hand against my mouth. Why couldn’t she wear damned gloves. I hate the way her touch made me feel. How it made me feel. 

“You sure do know how to pick jobs.” I responded, attempting to erase her skin from my mind. 

She stood from the rock and we began travelling through the woods, with our guns drawn. I knew the basis of the general protocol she followed in situations similar to this. She wood get to a high vantage point and begin to use a sniper rifle to pick off a few of those in higher places. I would infiltrate the compound. In this case, the compound was an old pre-war neighborhood, similar to sanctuary, that seemed to have been inhabited by raiders for months. 

We went about our plan. I slowly slipped between two groves in a gate splattered with blood. On the inside, I normally waited for Lucy to fire a few shots before I began killing off those inside, though this time it was taking her longer than usual. Maybe she couldn’t get a clear shot. 

I moved slowly into the house I was closests, seeing a first and easy target. Stealthily, I entered, kicking the feet out from under a man, then stabbing him in the neck. There were a few deaths I feared, being stabbed in the neck one of them, though Raiders deserve nothing but the worst. 

Finally Lucy began firing. From what I could see of the compound, there were few raiders. 

“Hah! You will die today.” A raider yelled behind me, catching me off guard. I turned quickly, falling to the ground hoping to avoid the bullet shot at me. I held the pistol within my hands, pulling the trigger and killing the raider. 

I slowly pushed myself up off the ground. There was a pinch in my shoulder, a cramp perhaps. I felt it only to feel a blood gushing from my shoulder. This was no cramp, and as soon as I realized the bullet in my skin, it began to hurt far worse. 

The gun shots died down. I’d been shot before. It always hurt like a moth- mother loving pig. Curse my promise to stop cursing. 

“MacCready?” Lucy yelled, her voice was always indistinguishable. It must’ve meant she’d taken out the rest of the Raiders. I was no dang help, and worse I’d been shot. 

“Over hear.” I said as I pulled myself to the feet, still clutching my left shoulder with my hand, my gloves now soaked with blood. I met her towards the center of the compound, attempting to hide my pain as well as my shame for how easily I’d been taken down. 

“Damn, you went and got yourself shot. Come on, there’s a shelter below this home over hear. The storm is coming soon.” She said as she began walking. She was right. The sky was vastly green, with the sound of far off thunder, now much closer. 

We’d moved through the home, only to get to the shelter she’d spoken of. It had concrete walls, and shelves upon shelves of food and liquids. In the corner, there was one mattress that sat beside a fire. I guess I could sleep on the floor, near a cooking spit, there were worse places to be, of course. I sat in a chair against the wall, beside the spit, taking off my coat, that now looked more a shade of red. 

I wore a shirt beneath my coat, it too, was drenched and clinged to my skin, allowing my wound to be visible. It looked disgusting, about as disgusting as you’d imagine a gunshot wound to look. 

“Here. I have some first aid, let me help.” Lucy said. The thought of her cleaning my wound made my insides feel as if they were lit aflame, but I needed the help. 

“Thanks, Lucy.” I said, pulling the sleeve of my shirt towards my chest, revealing the wound. 

“You’ll need to take the shirt completely off, not just… the sleeve.” She said.

I hesitated. I rarely removed my clothes, they were layers that I felt hid me from pain. Then compiled, pulling my shirt off, in intense pain. I groaned, not being able to stop the sound from exiting my mouth. She sat beside me, one of her hands on my upper arm, the other was cleaning my wound. I hadn’t completely warmed to her touch, nor had I gotten used to it. However, the pain I felt, allowed me to forget the beautiful women holding tight to my skin. 

“How’d you learn to do stuff, you weren’t a doctor or nothing, were you?” I asked, attempting to end the silence between them.

She sighed, still focused on my wound. “No, never a doctor, though my husband had a habit of getting himself hurt.” 

Was she married? I thought I’d known that she’d had a child, but I’d never asked.  
“You’re married?” I asked. 

“Uh… no. I was.” She sighed, again, wiping sweat from her forehead. “My husband and I were both frozen, but… only I ended up here. His death was why I got caught up with the institute, as well as the disappearance of my son.” 

My head spun, not just from physical pain, but from how much her life had paralleled mine. She knew my pain. She knew… it. 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” 

She chuckled. The sound was honestly delightful. A sharp contrast to the pain I felt in my shoulder. “You don’t have to be. We’ve all dealt with tragedy. It’s just a part of who I am now.” 

She plunged her fingers within to my skin, pulling the bullet from my flesh. I squeezed my fists in an attempt to not scream. Lucy didn’t speak again for awhile. Perhaps, the thought of her husband was just too painful. Oh how I understood. 

I sat in the chair, bandaging my wound as she analyzed the food on the many shelves. The air felt a tenseness. While, I may have not spoken in quite some time, my mind raced with thoughts. There were the thoughts I accepted, some about physical pain or my hunger. I also had some, that I tried to bury, deny or ignore, like, the way I felt about Lucy. 

I could try to tell myself that all I felt was a sexual attraction towards her, and oh boy all the things I wanted to do with her. How every time I looked her way, I wanted to grab her, pin her against the wall and yada yada yada. But, it went deeper. I wanted to hold her, kiss her as deeply as I could. I wanted to talk to her about everything that was wrong in the world, with my life. She would understand, she had been through all the same things as me. I didn’t want to ever be away from her. 

But, these thoughts that raced, I pushed them to the back of my head. She was just my boss, I was just a mercenary. And from what I can tell, she didn’t have any of the same thoughts about me. 

I sat there, the thought of her hand against my arm, her breath against the nape of my neck. I wanted to get as close as I could to her, but that would never happen.  
Lucy turned around, a bottle of what looked like vodka in her hand. She leaned against the shelves. “Look, there’s only one bed, so I think you should take it. You’re injured.” 

I laughed. “No way. You get the bed.”

“Why, because I’m a woman?”

I cocked my head to the side. “No. Because you deserve it, and you’re the boss.”

She laughed, a sound that made my insides melt. “The mattress is big enough, I’m not making you sleep on cold concrete floor. We can share it.” 

“What?” I asked. Thoughts of sharing a bed with her running through my mind. The thought of her pressed against me throughout the night, only lit by candle light. Was she trying to drive me crazy?

“Look, it’s only weird if we make it weird. We’re both tired, this place is locked down, it only makes sense.”

It was true we both were exhausted, at least I was, but the situation made my head spin, made certain parts of me feel more heated than usual. 

I sighed. “Alright.” Was it because I wanted to feel my body against hers? I was unsure. 

I moved toward the mattress, it was lumpy but would in fact be more comfortable than the floor. I braced myself before falling into the lumpy pile of springs, Lucy soon plopping on my right, her heat against mine. Did she feel as uneasy to have my body against hers? 

I laid their for a few minutes, convinced I would never fall asleep while this uneasy. It only took a few minutes for her presence to make me feel a sort of comfort. I fell deep asleep.


	5. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this one is shorter, and I've been more sparsely posting. I've been dealing with school and personal stuff and the time I have been writing, I've been spending it on my personal novel. Anyway, I'm still going to continue this fanfic.

##### Lucy POV:

Nate’s arm were wrapped around me as I slowly awoke. My back hurt from the firm mattress below me. His arms were always comfortable, my head slightly pressed against my chest. But… this wasn’t Nate, and this was not my home. 

MacCready’s embrace was tender. Had it been the comfort of his embrace that had allowed such deep sleep? Or was I simply just tired? 

I hadn’t been alone these past few months, I had Nick, Piper, Deacon, as well as others. However, I still felt alone. I still laid in bed most nights feeling empty. How had last night been any different?

MacCready was still asleep, his breath soft against the top of my head. The way I felt as I was pressed against him was unlike anything I’d felt in months. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. I’m not sure he meant to place his arms around me throughout the night, but I didn’t wish to move them, nor pull myself from his embrace. 

MacCready stirred for a moment, perhaps realizing he was holding me within his arms. 

He hesitated a moment before pulling his arms from me and pushing himself to his feet.

“Good morning.” I said as I sat up from the mattress, attempting to ignore the fact that I had basically had his entire figure pressed against me all night.

He turned to face me, startled. “Yeah, I gotta say, I probably would’ve been better sleeping on the floor.” 

I laughed. “How’s your shoulder?”

“It’s been better.” His face was red. His face was softer than normal. He tried so hard to look rough and like every other merc out there, but his face was not as torn as most of those out here. He was almost… good looking. 

“The storm is still going out there.” I said.

He sighed. “Of course it is.” 

He pulled a flask from his bag before taking a swig. I laid on my side, my elbow propping my face up, gazing at him. He wasn’t just some merc I hired, there was something about him. Did I have feelings for him? In reality, it didn’t matter. He would never feel the same. I’m just his boss, and he’s just a merc I hired. No matter how much I wanted him pressed against me again, or the feeling of his lips against mine, it would never happen. 

If there was one thing I’d learned, It’s that nothing good ever happens in the wasteland.


	6. Friends?

##### MacCready POV

It seemed that Lucy and I had begun some sort of trek, not knowing where it would take us. I knew where it would take me. I would continue to long for the woman who stood before me, unable to choke out a word in her direction. I’d fade into the darkness following her as the empty shell that I’d become. 

Lucy was beautiful, undeniably so. The idea of her finger grazing along my shoulders, my chest. Her lips against mine- no, stop it. These feelings, ones that perpetually came back to me no matter how hard I pushed them down. They were just animalistic instincts, and I could easily deprive myself of such. To her, I would be nothing more than the man she hired to follow closely behind and kill others for her. 

“So you used to be a part of the gunners?” She said, her voice as soft as silk. I had no idea how she did it, but her voice always seemed to interrupt my internal monologue at the worst of times. The reminder of the gunners, even from a voice such as heard made my face grow paler. Every corner I turned, every mile I traveled, I had to worry about running into Winlock and Barnes, and those two were just waiting to put a bullet between my eyes. 

“Yep.” I answered, her voice swirling through my head, making me unable to have any real conversation. How could someone’s voice be so soft, so sweet?

Her eyes shot over her shoulder as she glanced at me, her brows soon raising in confusion. “Are you alright?” She asked.

“Yep.” I repeated, though in my brain all I could hear was my mind repeating her brain. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. If any god existed, what cruel fate they place a beautiful woman on my path as a daily reminder of my dead wife. 

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, her eyes like emeralds. So long we’d been apart. So long since I’d felt her touch on my skin. I remembered the feeling the first time I kissed her, the first time I realized I loved her. She was my first love. And she’d be my last love. I wasn’t long for this world, anyway.

“Any ideas for new contracts?” The sole survivor asked, once again pulling my attention from the battle within my brain. “With your help, I’ve been able to finish them in half the time.”

“I actually do.” My mouth said before my brain could stop it. 

She turned around and cocked her head to the side, her eyes lighting up. “Yeah?”

It was the only plausible thing to do, to ask for her help. She was a badass, and no matter how much her presence made my entire body and mind feel as if it were on fire, I could use her help, whether she cared for my wellbeing or not. 

“Two goons are out for my neck, I think it’s time I put an end to them.” I gave an awkward smile. “You don’t have to come. You don’t owe me anything and they are tough sons of bitc-” I stopped myself, remembering my promise. “It’ll be a tough fight.” And I don’t want you getting hurt. But also your presence drives me up a wall.

“Nonsense, there’s no one I can’t gun down.” She let out a soft laugh. “And plus, we’re friends.” Her cheeks flushed with color. “Or, I consider us friends.” 

I stood silent for a moment, my brain no longer in a tizzy, but calm for once. Friends? Maybe a small part of her cared for my well being. “Yeah, we’re friends.” 

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. Was she really going to help me achieve my freedom?

##### Lucy POV

Gun fire, smoke, it was all a blur. When MacCready said it was going to be a tough fight, whew he was not lying, nor was he over exaggerating. The sheer sound of assaultrons made my entire body feel weak. 

Oddly enough, having the presence of someone as skilled as MacCready to lend a hand gave me a bit a comfort, despite his cold and distant exterior. My mind still whirled with thoughts of him ignoring all my attempts to ease or even bury them. 

Nate was my true love, as silly as it sounds. I didn’t feel that moving on was ever an option, and certainly not so close. But, it didn’t matter. MacCready had been reticent to even say we were friends. He was in it for the money, and to be honest that was fine. You could never have too many friends in the wasteland, but allies worked just as well. 

MacCready coughed from across the way. The gun fire had finally all died down. We’d taken all of them out. 

“Are you hit?” I called out as I scrambled to the other side. He sat against the concrete of the floor, blood beneath him.

He shook his head. “Nope, just really,” He coughed again. “out of breath.” 

“Good.” I said, sitting beside him. “Didn’t feel like patching up any more wounds.”

He huffed from his nose. “Thank you.” His eyes seemed to show genuine gratitude, though it looked foreign against the scruff of his face. “You didn’t have to help me.”

“Nonsense, you’ve helped me countless times since we’ve met.”  
“Because you hired me to do so. You didn’t have to help me.”

“Just accept the help, MacCready. Friends, remember?”

He looked into my eyes, something he rarely ever did. “I wanted to give you did back.” He shuffled through his pocket, though I had no idea what I’d even given for him to be able to give me anything back. Then he pulled out a small tin filled with caps. “There’s everything you gave me when you hired me.”

I looked at him confused. “Why? You don’t have to do that.” 

“Because you helped me, now we’re even.” Did he give his caps back because he wished to leave? He let out a humorless laugh. “I’ll still travel with you, because that was the deal. But this time, as friends.”

As friends. Had I gotten his entire character wrong? I pulled at his gloved hand, helping him pull his weight from the floor. For the first time, MacCready’s presence had an ounce of warmness to it.


End file.
